I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
