Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
