Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
