jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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