In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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