Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
