How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
