is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
