anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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