I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
