I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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