I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
