What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
