dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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