I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
