The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
