We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
