he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
