I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
