I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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