is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
