Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
