This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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