dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
