Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
