what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
