His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
