dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
