is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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