A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
