i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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