In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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