shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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