Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm really busy with my period
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