hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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