My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
