she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
