I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
