Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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