i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
