yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Randomize
