hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
