So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
