I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
