When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
