you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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