Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
