you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
