The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
