Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
