It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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