how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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